From what I can tell, the main problems were a) the subject matter, as the reviewer wasn't a sucker (LOL) for vampire fiction and b) the person only had three chapters and could consequently not "get into" my shifting POV structure that is made clearer once a person is about six chapters in. (A/B/C1/A/B/C2... and so on)
Granted, I'd been heavily influenced by GRRM at the time and he does this shifting structure with not four but about 20 viewpoint characters. GRRM I am not.
So... What to do?
I'm going to sit tight for a while and continue querying agents. Failing that I'll consider revising to drop the secondary characters (Arwen and Etienne) by making them non-viewpoint and less important. I'll change the setting to an adult market as well.
Thing is, I know I'm a good writer. **sigh**
But I just have to work extra hard now to attend to these bugs. At any rate, Camdeboo Nights was written after I completed my second novel, which I shoved under my bed.
See the Amazon review thing below:
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